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We've been close companions with a woman, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished at that point, as they were drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She made greater energy in our friendship, and must have understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, many in her circle vanished without her being sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each retired and are seeing time together, but I am finding my position between us is to listen. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she has unyielding views. I try to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She is arranging a vacation to a nation I know well repeatedly and lived in for some time. I tried to provide personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She purely solely sought my agreement with her choices. I recently returned from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear like an unbiased account. The second is to express the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. The third step involves requesting how you are both can shift the pattern of your friendship."

Consider your friend has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for a set time."

This can be impactful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

Your friend might reject all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they won't let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if you never reach an agreement, it provides peace from having been truthful.